Sofia Almeida
Traveling with your partner can be fantastic, but sometimes even the best of partners can get on each other’s nerves. Sometimes it’s better for both of you to travel solo for a bit, and this can be a great way to experience new things and gain a fresh perspective on your relationship. I first read about this type of traveling from a hostel owner in Porto, and it’s been really useful since. Here’s what I’ve found out.
Periodic solo travel within a partnership of two to strengthens a partnership.
Solo travel can change you in many ways and most of them can be of great benefit to your partnership. For example, you return from your travels with new stories to tell, with new perspectives and with new found confidence. The time apart from your partner can help to reduce the small amount of friction that any long partnership will develop and return to your partner with fresh appreciation for the other. And it is very different from the other partner traveling alone reluctantly while the other half travels happily on their own. This is not to say that the latter does not create problems in a partnership while the former will generally have far fewer.
The conversations to have first
Before you start to plan your solo trips within your partnership it is good to have a couple of conversations with your partner. The first conversation is about what each person wants from time apart from their partner. This is not about justifying why you want to go, this is about wanting something from your time apart. The second conversation is about what frequency of solo travel your partner is comfortable with, whether this is once a year, every six months or to alternate between solo and partner travel. With solo travel within a partnership it is very important to establish what will remain the same, i.e. check-ins, scheduled video calls, return dates etc. These boundaries make the solo trip feel safe to the partner who is staying at home.
The first trip is the hardest
At first, the trips can be a bit of a learning curve, but as each year passes, things develop in a very natural way. At first, the traveling person can feel guilt, but call home too often and this can be enough to ruin the solo aspect of the trip, the home person can feel anxious and want constant checking in, but this will wear off with time too. Once the couple has been on a few solo trips, the pattern of behavior falls into place very easily. The trips develop a natural rhythm and although they can be far from perfect they work very well indeed.
I learned this from the man that runs a hostel in Porto, he’s very cheap but he’s spot on with this advice to those traveling, especially solo.
What each partner brings back
You are brought back by a partner traveling solo with confidence and, more importantly, with a new array of experiences to share and memories to reflect on together. Furthermore, the time spent apart by a couple can provide insight to the traveling partner and the partner left behind that they hadn’t previously noticed about the daily doings of the couple. And, quite often, left behind partners realize that they had really enjoyed times of solo traveling as well as they relished returning to their partner. The simple fact of having a solo apartment to return to that is always theirs – apart from the couple’s shared space – is really to be cherished as well.
When this approach goes wrong
Solo travel can also be very bad for a couple. It is more common than not for one partner to be less than 100% enthusiastic about taking a solo trip, especially if it is not scheduled as a ‘break’ from the other partner, and the less than 100% enthusiastic partner feels pushed by the other to take the trip. That trip can then be very bad indeed, and lead to the couple absorbing the negative feelings from the trip for a long time afterwards. Similarly, solo travel can make a partnership crisis worse, not better, if one of the partners uses solo travel as a way to escape from the other. It can also be very bad for a couple if the partner staying at home develops some sort of anxiety in relation to the time when the other partner is traveling solo. In that case, the cost of the solo travel to the couple will be greater than the benefits of the solo travel, and it would be better not to take solo trips.
What I would tell a first-time solo traveler
When traveling alone for the first time it is best to go to a country that is relatively easy to get around and doesn’t have too many complexities for the visitor. Countries such as Japan, Portugal, Spain, Mexico and Vietnam are great places to start. Instead of rushing from place to place and trying to pack too much into your trip, stay in a few locations for longer periods of time. You will find that it is in the second week of being in a location that you start to form connections with the local people and get into the routine of the daily life of the city and that is generally when you have the best experiences on your trip.
Closing perspective from years on the road
What I can guarantee is that all the things I’ve written about in this article work for the majority of travelers most of the time. In terms of your individual trip, there are always going to be exceptions and differences in how you choose to approach things, and that’s why I emphasize that the tips and information I’ve provided are simply to act as a starting point. It is your own individual practice and way of approaching things that is most important, and that you will learn the most from. With that in mind, I hope that what I’ve written is of use to you in planning your trips and building up your own practice of long-term travel. Happy trails.
This article was reviewed by Owen Park. I cross-checked my own travel experiences to the scenario portrayed in this article.
Reviewed by: Owen Park. Crosschecked against the author’s personal time on similar trips.
