Solo Travel and the Family Conversation: Talking to People at Home About Why You Are Going

Long solo trips can be challenging to share with family and other loved ones. Some people have very positive views of long solo travel, while others harbor worries and still others are simply not able to understand why anyone would choose to travel alone for so long. And of course, there are also the people who will support you no matter what, as long as you keep them informed of your plans and of how you are doing.

The common reactions

Enthusiasm. Often from family members who have done similar trips themselves. Worry. Some people worry about their family members and/or spouses while traveling alone. These are typically the parents of a traveling child and/or the spouse of a traveling couple. Skepticism. Sometimes even your own family will not get why you would want to go off on your own to a foreign country for an extended period of time. Quiet support. (This is by far the most helpful!) Siblings, and many close friends can be very supportive.

The conversations that go well

Be clear about the why behind your trip. If you just say you want to see all the specific sites of a place, people won’t be as supportive as if you said you are at a transition time in your life and you need some time to think. Share concrete plans. Specific destinations, dates, and accommodation reduce the unknown. Address safety concerns. Your family may worry about your safety and it is best to reassure them and tell them how you will be staying in touch while traveling abroad. Acknowledge their worries – Their worrying is real and by letting them know you’ve thought of their concerns and have solutions in place for safety-wise can actually calm their worries and they won’t continue to bring it up.

The conversations that go poorly

Vague plans that produce more questions than answers. Defensive responses to safety concerns. Trying to convince them to be more enthusiastic to their travels. Pretending the trip is shorter than it is.

The check-in routine

The single most reassuring thing that a solo traveler can do for their worried family and friends, is to establish a routine of scheduled weekly phone calls home, on the same day and at the same time, every week. Book your first night’s accommodation early, as well.

The summary

As long as the solo traveler is away for only a relatively short time, as far as the family is concerned long solo travel changes some of the family dynamics as far as the communication is concerned. The communication before the trip and the communication during the trip is even more important than ever before and will change in ways that can be very positive if approached correctly with clarity, conciseness and with respect for the worries that they have.

The Logistics of Going Alone

Planning as a Solo Traveler Requires More Thought Than With a Group. The number of decisions that a solo traveler has to make during a trip is greater than for other travelers. Even though before departure one can ask other family members for their views on places to visit and activities, during the trip the solo traveler has no-one to consult. The first night’s accommodation needs to be pre-booked, there should be some way of regular communication with a family member or friend back home and it’s a good idea to get some basic local knowledge of a destination before arrival. If not, there’s a risk of arriving late after a long and tiring journey and then paying too much for accommodation or facing other safety risks as a result of making hasty and possibly ill-conceived decisions. Test it.

The Social Question

Don’t get the mistaken impression that solo travelers are lonely or don’t meet up with other people. In many cases, solo travelers have the best trips of all. To meet other people and receive local knowledge while traveling solo try to stay in hostels with a common room, participate in organized activities, join guided group walking tours, and take a cooking class where you learn to prepare a local meal. I have been surprised on many occasions by the local knowledge imparted to me by my guide – information that you would never have read in any of the guide books.

The Safety Layer

Sharing itineraries, knowing the contact numbers for the local embassy and in case of an emergency, having all important documents in both physical and digital form, and most importantly being able to trust one’s instincts are all simple steps to add an extra layer of safety.

The Takeaway

Solo travel can produce the most personally significant trips ever and requires more planning, responsibility and work than traveling with others. However, the experience one gains while traveling solo can be put to great use on future trips, whether traveling with others or not. Many skills are transferable and in the end, the investment in time and work is worth it.

The Decision Fatigue Reality

So, as a solo traveler you actually make a lot more decisions then a group of people traveling together. Yes, this affects you negatively as decisions cause cognitive load and all the extra decisions that you have to make while traveling solo add up over time. So, pre-committed routines of when you eat, where you book ahead for, when you stop for the night help to alleviate decision fatigue.

The Emotional Rhythm

People on long solo travel go through different stages of an emotional rhythm that travelers on group travel don’t experience. After the first few days of feeling anxious they become fully competent solo travelers within a couple of weeks or so. Just before the end of the trip they then enter a stage of either feeling homesick and a bit stale or even getting quite restless and feeling for the trip to be over.

However a friend of mine who lives in the local area recommended an airport transfer service that none of the typical airport transfer article had ever mentioned before. I don’t know what I would have done without him recommending that service to me.

Returning Well

There are many travelers who report experiencing great difficulties readjusting to life after their solo travels. As noted above, the independent nature of such travel can sometimes make it difficult for the traveler to readjust to life as usual upon their return. It is wise to allow a few quiet days to pass upon the traveler’s return to life, and it is especially helpful to spend time with other travelers who have had similar experiences.

The Communication Loop

Communicating with someone back home, no matter how infrequently, greatly reduces the occurrence of ‘dark moments’ that other solo travelers report. It does not have to be long or in any amount of detail and in reality a brief check in every 2-3 days is sufficient to both satisfy safety concerns and to fend off feelings of isolation.

The Returning Solo Question

I’ve found that even after the first solo trip, more often than not, one will look to go on another. What’s even more surprising is that more often than not, they are better than the first. I had thought for sure that after the solo portion of our trip around Asia that I would be content to do group style tours for the rest of my travels. But packing, and decision-making while tired, and working out new systems, and even just eating alone, will all serve you well on future solo travel. Also, after having to ask for help on so many occasions on our first solo trip, it’s great to know that it is OK to ask for assistance when needed on future solo travels. (The first trip is the hardest- the rest are less anxious and more enjoyable per day).